I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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