Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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