I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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