maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Terrible idea I love it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
