okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
