Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
