I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
