i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
