Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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