i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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