I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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