Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
