I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Randomize
