yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
