and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
