well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
