he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
