I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
