she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
