his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
