You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
