You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
