he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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