Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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