If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
