Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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