1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love having hate sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
