i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I could fuck to npr.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize