Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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