So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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