Where is the hickey?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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