Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
