All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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