I'm jealous of your bromance
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
