You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
