we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
