saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
