Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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