Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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