I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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