WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
