alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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