I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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