two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
