Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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