I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
