Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
