I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize