My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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