He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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