At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
