foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
