the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
