one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize