And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
