let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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