WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
