New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pop tarts are not kleenex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize