At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
