I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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