I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
