Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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