Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
