Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
