I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
