my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
