that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
