Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
